About once a month Dave and I get what I can only describe as a severe mental block or a case of selective amnesia. We make a decision that invariably comes back to haunt us almost every single time. We look at each other and say, "Wouldn't it be a great idea to go out to eat tonight?"
Sounds innocent and fun, I know.. We buy into the idea every time. We tell the kids. They get excited. The house becomes a flurry of activity getting shoes on, hair brushed, diaper bag packed. No cooking tonight! It's gonna be an easy night for us- Do you see how naive we are?? We should know better by now....
A typical "Lets go out to eat family night" usually goes like this for us.. Our kids look like angels as we wait to be seated. Katie is toddling around smiling at people, Ben is enjoying the atmosphere and Emma is reading the specials out loud to us. Dave and I smile at each other and think what wonderful kids we have. We're seated at our table and the first 5 minutes are spent passing out crayons, looking at the menu and giving Kate some crackers..
By the time the waiter comes to take our drink order I have already gone through everything in my purse that might possibly entertain Katie.. she has thrown every crayon on the floor and spilled my water across the table. Emma is whining because she wanted to sit by the window, and Ben is nowhere to be seen because he dropped his fork under the table for the 10th time already. The waiter is polite, but pities us already..I just know it.
Emma has to go to the bathroom, so off we go. When I get back I see Kate trying to stand up in her high chair, Dave scrambling to find something, anything, for her to play with. Ben has now broken most of the crayons and is STARVING...so hungry he just can't wait any longer! I pull Katie onto my lap and just when our food gets here Ben announces he has to go #2. Yes, believe it or not, this happens at least 80% of the time. I hand Katie over to Dave because the look on his face says, "I will give you $1000 right now if you take him. So, off to the bathroom I go again.
Emma, Ben and Kate will eat there food and be done and bored in about 6.8 minutes. I will get about halfway into my meal and realize I have ketchup, ranch and french fry grease all over my shirt, and at least one of the kids will gag at some point, so I usually just push my plate away- doesn't look as appetizing anymore. It usually occurs to me about this point that the fork Ben dropped under the table 10 times is the one he's used to eat his food. I cringe at that thought but realize its too late now. I feel beads of sweat running down my forehead from pure mental exhaustion. Emma usually hasn't stopped talking and Katie's yelling is starting to cause people to stare at us. Hmmm...Dave's face starts to show signs of frustration, it's time for the check please. One of us usually takes the kids out while the other one sits in peace to pay the check (Think Paper Rock Scissors). That person is also in charge of attempting to clean up the mini tornado that has touched down on our table and pick up half eaten french fries off the floor.
We buckle kids into the car and pull out onto the road. It is usually very quiet for a good 5 minutes. Niether of us says anything. Then one of us will reach out and grab the other person's hand. "We are never going to take the kids out to eat again. Let's remember this night and how we felt when we want to do this again". "We won't go out to eat until Kate is 3 years old". These are the things we say to each other. We mean them, we really do. We will stick to our guns, at least for another 29 days. Then the amnesia will set in again..........it always does..
And sorry Red Robin for the mini tornado that hit there last Saturday night.....
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