Full Circle

Well, I swore to myself that this would never happen. Before I had kids I had all the answers. I knew what kind of mom I would be. I piously watched other moms lose control in the grocery store and I knew I would never do that. I told myself I would never go out in public with vomit stains or snot everywhere. I would lose the sweatpants and embrace the kacki’s. My kids would look clean. I would remain calm. I would never stoop to bribery. My kids would never throw temper tantrums. I would always shower and be dressed for the morning drop off (are all my mom friends smirking right about now?). I would never let my kids drink pop and they would embrace all kinds of food. I would keep my toenails painted and for crying out loud I would pluck my eyebrows! My kids would sit quietly in restaurants. I would never be that mom that has to drag her kicking and screaming child from the playground when its time to leave. I would be in control.
This fairytale image I had painted in my mind came crashing to a halt the day we brought Emma home from the hospital. I’m not sure I’ve been in control since. I have broken every preconceived image I had of being a mom many times over. And I’ve loved the journey. But when a day happens where you’ve broken every rule in your own book, it requires some kind of pondering.
Yesterday morning I rushed Emma to school in my pajamas stained with snot and hair out of control. And no, my toenails were not painted. By 11 the house was still a mess and I gave Ben his halloween candy bag so I could take a shower in peace(YES, bribery). After my shower I spent the next two hours running after a three year old who had just had 15 minutes of unsupervised candy time….and he took advantage of it. No clean laundry so the kids wore dirty clothes J. I did manage to get the dishes and vacuuming done, but also had to call poison control. It wouldn’t be a great day without that, right?
After picking Emma up from school I drove to a craft store to get a few Christmas decorations. Ben said he didn’t feel good (all the sudden) so I carried him and Katie under each arm like footballs and got two carts. Just upon entering the store Emma announces she has to go #2. Uggggggg….So 10 minutes later we’re still waiting for her in the hallway, Katie is standing up in the basket (which I also swore I’d never let my kids do), Ben is moaning that he wants to go home and I hear Emma singing in the bathroom “This land is your land”. I decide to cut the trip short and we get back in the car. On the drive home I decide to stop at Subway to get dinner. I pull Katie out of her carseat to find a major blowout…yes, through her clothes and all. I thought about giving up right then and there. Just sitting down in the parking lot, staring up at the sky. But I’m the mom, I can do this, right? So here’s the climax of this crazy day. We bravely walk into Subway. Katie wrapped in a blanket wearing only a diaper. Benjamin dirty and whining. Emma still singing patriotic songs way too loud and practicing her cheerleading moves. And me? Well, I did pluck my eyebrows this morning, but that’s about it.
I catch the eye of a pregnant lady calmly sitting by herself in a booth and two things go through my mind at the same time : she has no idea what she’s in for and Oh my word she feels sorry for me and is swearing to herself that she will never let her kids act like that! Life has come full circle. And tomorrow is another day. And I really do love being a mom and the rollercoaster ride I’m on. I think I’ll go put some make up on now.