And even on the good days, we still have to feed everyone, apply bandages, referee fights, be a chauffer, wipe away tears, clip toenails, brush hair, sweep up broken glass, play catch, wipe bottoms, fix bike chains, fold clothes, check homework, wipe away tears, get slivers out, find lost toys, read books, clean up spilled milk, wash dirty socks and MANY other things.
It’s easy to get overwhelmed and focus on what’s going wrong. It’s easy to be frustrated with the kid who spilled the milk, the kid who broke the glass, the kid who didn’t do their homework. In moments of exhaustion, the negative thoughts quickly creep in. We start to feel like they NEVER listen, they constantly fight, they are ALWAYS making a mess.
My kids have been on summer break for 46 days now. I’ll just say that again: 46 days. I absolutely love them with every fiber of my being. That being said, I have days where I sneak out of the house and go sit by the chicken coop and cry my eyes out. Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing anything right. And I start to focus on the negative.
But then, by God’s infinite grace, he gives me a glimpse of something amazing. He helps me see beyond the day to day grind of wiping noses and cleaning toilets. He lets me see the wonderful people my children are becoming. He opens my eyes to the work He is already doing in them. As I witness these beautiful moments, I can almost hear Him whispering, “This crazy ride will be SO worth it.”
A couple days ago my neighbor lady Pat called me over to the fence. We don’t live next door to her on the street, but our backyards are up against each other. She’s an elderly lady and we’ve slowly gotten to know her over the past few years, exchanging Christmas cookies, vegetables and small talk.
But in the past few months, a surprising friendship has blossomed between my son Ben and Pat. He talks to her at the fence for long stretches of time, and they never run out of things to say. He is always getting starts off of her vegetables and keeps her updated on how they’re doing in our yard. She lets him and Emma come pick berries, and he takes her leaves of basil and tiny carrots from our garden.
I’m amazed at all of this, because he does it on his own. He knows her better than I do. One day he spent the whole morning building something. He was working hard but wouldn’t show me what it was. When it was finally done, he led me outside and there laying in the garage was a hand-painted sign that said “Pat’s garden“. When I told him how special it was he just shrugged and said, “She doesn’t have a sign so I made her one.” It now stands proudly in her front yard.
But the day she called me over to the fence she had tears in her eyes. She said, ‘I want to tell you something about Ben.”
I braced myself, because the kid has been known to break windows and throw his fair share of balls over the fence. But she went on to tell me this story:
“You know how I told Emma and Ben that I would give them a quarter for every white butterfly they caught? Well, when I first told them that, Emma got really excited and told me she was saving up for a Kindle. I thought that was pretty neat and then they left to go try and catch some. Well, when they came back later with two butterflies, I handed the two quarters to Emma since she’s the oldest. She turned around and handed one of the quarters to Ben. Ben looked at it for a few seconds and then said, ‘you can have my quarter Emma, I want you to be able to buy your Kindle.’”
Then Pat went on to say “I just couldn’t believe that a 6 year old boy would give his sister some money just like that. And I just thought you should know that you’re doing something right with your kids.”I was floored by the timing of her story. It had been one of those ‘go-cry-it-out-by-the-chicken-coop’ kind of days. Ben especially had been picking at my one last nerve, and I had gotten pretty frustrated with him. And then God gives me this: A glimpse through another person’s eyes at what kind of man he is becoming. And I know that these hard days are worth every bit of sweat and tears.
Last weekend, when the kids were with my mom, I got a phone call from her. When I answered she said immediately, “I called to tell you that I caught your daughter doing something good.” I breathed a sigh of relief and smiled.
She had taken them to Walmart so they could each buy something special. Emma picked out a hair coloring kit that, unbeknownst to my mom, we had already told her she couldn’t get. My mom said she was really excited about it, and decided that was what she wanted. But about 4 aisles later, my mom noticed her mood change. She got quiet. She asked her what was wrong and Emma finally said, “I actually have to put this back, because my mom and dad said I couldn’t get it.”
Again, this was exactly what I needed to hear. Before my mom hung up she said, “It’s always great to catch your kids doing something good.” I couldn’t agree more. I love this quote by Mark Twain:
“It is curious that physical courage should be so common
in the world and moral courage so rare.”
So what I want to share with all of you is this: Your kids are AMAZING. Every single one of them. Most days they may drive you crazy, talk your ears off, draw on your walls, stay out past curfew, pee on the shower curtain, play their music too loud, have messy rooms, drink from the milk carton, and test you to your very last nerve. But it’s going to be SO worth it.
I know you’re tired, stressed and sometimes have no idea how you‘re going to make it through the day. Feel free to get some chickens so you can go cry with them if you need too. Or just cry in the shower like a normal person. But look past the daily grind. See past that temper tantrum. Slow down and really listen to what they’re saying. Catch your kids doing something good and tell them about it. Especially when you see it building their character.
We may not feel like what we’re doing is making a difference right now. We might feel like we're failing. But God sees the bigger picture. You are raising men and women who will be used by him in an infinite number of ways. It’s an amazingly important job.
Please share with me your stories. I know you’ve all ‘caught your kids doing something good.’ I would love to hear about them! In this world that focuses on the negative, we could all stand to hear some positive stories. Just like Anne Murray’s song says, “I sure could use a little good news today.”
