Katie has had really bad Eczema since she was born. She’s also gotten every bug that makes it’s way around, had several trips to the ER, and had surgery. She’s been our complicated one, not because of her personality, but because she just seems to get sick A LOT. She’s a trooper, though, and even when she’s covered in bandaids and has to wear long pants on a summer day, she’s still smiling.
The last week has been tough because she broke out with Eczema/Heat Rash/Diaper rash that has spread all over her rear end and down her legs. Every night we’ve woken up to bloody blankets from her scratching it, and trying cream after cream to help her feel better. It’s a process just to get her changed, because it hurts her so bad to wipe off the old creams and put on new ones. Her little body shakes so hard when I’m trying to clean her off.
Today I was tired. I was tired of seeing her in so much pain. As I changed her diaper I started to cry really hard. I said, “Katie, I’m not doing this to hurt you, I’m trying to make you better. I don’t like to see you in so much pain. Do you believe me baby girl?”
She was sobbing and her little body was shaking and she just started saying, “I believe in you mommy, I believe in you mommy, I believe in you mommy”. We cried together until it was all done, new bandages were in place and the sting was wearing off. As I held her in my arms I was hit by a sudden realization.
Life is not easy. It’s really hard. And sometimes we feel like our heart is being ripped right out, that everything is falling apart, that we don’t understand. People we love are taken from us, there’s divorce, sickness, natural disasters, and sometimes there are men that open fire on people in a movie theater. We DON”T understand.
But there is someone who does. God is right there with us, crying with us, and sometimes we are in so much pain that all we can do amidst our crying is scream out “I believe in You, I believe in You, I believe in You”. And he can hold us close while we cry, and say “I’m not doing this to hurt you, you might not understand, but I have a plan to make you better and stronger. I don’t like to see you in so much pain. Do you believe me?”
My prayer is that we can all cry out to Him, even when we don’t understand why the pain is happening. He’s listening, even when we’re mad and confused. And just like Katie this morning, we can run into his arms fully knowing he loves us no matter what shape we are in.
